Thursday, June 4, 2009

X-Men Legacy #219

OK, one more of these X-Men Legacy comics then I'm calling it a night. Once again, this is written by Mike Carey.

-So, the Juggernaut, Charles Xavier and 6 hostages walk into a bar... Wait, you've heard that one already? Oh, well then I guess I'll just head straight to the review. Juggy seems to have taken a bar and some of its patrons hostage. Prof X arrives and the two step-brothers have a conversation.

-Juggy is all, "Oh, I'ms bes evil again!". X is all, "Why ain't youse be good now?". Juggy says, "I's hates youse again cueball! I's ain't reforms wit youse no more!". X retorts, "So is youse finally gonna hearse me?". Juggy says, "Yep, now I's is drop bar on youse head and kills yo ass ded."

-Before Juggy kills X though, X gives Juggy an little empty box and tells Juggy that whenever he's ready, he should open the box up.

-Juggy then kills X and goes on a rampage of epic proportions, killing the X-Men, robbing banks and getting hot women.

-Huh, I guess that's the end of the X-titles... Oh wait, there's a few more pages in this comic. I'd better read them.

-Oh, it was all a dream! Ha ha ha! It turns out that X went into Juggy's head while the Big J was asleep just to see what would happen if the two met. X explains to Juggy that apparently Juggy won't/can't reform, and that X FINALLY understands that. X then warns Juggy that if the two ever do meet again, Juggy won't like the consequences. Juggy then wakes up screaming.

Ugh. The only way I could possibly review that monstrosity was with a lot of humor... Or with my brand of not-so-funny humor... OK, it wasn't that funny... You don't have to rub it in! Let me state for the record that I was one of the FEW people who actually liked Chuck Austen's run on "Uncanny X-Men". OK, I was the ONLY person who enjoyed reading those comics! I'll admit that. It was during Chuck's run that Juggy reformed and joined the X-Men, so I'll always have a soft spot for the good, reformed Juggernaut. As a villain, Juggernaut... Well, he sucks. He really, really sucks! He's been defeated by the X-Men, the Avengers, X-Force, the Hulk, Thor, Spider-Man, and probably Aunt May. The point is he's not really a very good/interesting villain. However, Juggy makes a way more compelling hero since he always has to carry his evil past deeds with him. Heroic Juggy is trying to bury his villainous past, bad Juggy is just another rampaging bruiser who never wins.

It seems that bad Juggy is back for good, which honestly is no real surprise with the awful direction(most)of Marvel's X-titles have been heading. Decimate the mutant population, check. Throw Prof X off of the X-Men, check. Replace Jean Grey with Emma Frost, check. Blow up X-Mansion and move the team to San Francisco, check. Turn Mr. Sinister, one of the top X-Villains, into a woman, check. Suddenly add this Romulus character to Wolverine's already WAY too complicated past, check. Have Storm suddenly leave the X-Men to marry Black Panther(who she hardly even knew!), check. Turn Juggy back into a boring, one-dimensional villain, check. I swear, someone at the X-Offices must really hate my guts, because it seems that for the last 3 years or so everything that happens in the X-titles is done specifically to piss me off. Now, what was this post originally about? Oh yeah, X-Men Legacy #219! For a score I'll give this comic a 4 out of 10, and say once again that I'm very disappointed in the direction of the X-titles.

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